I Had to Lose Myself to Find Myself

March 6, 2019

I’ve struggled with a few personal issues for over a year and in that time, I did a lot of things that I could’ve never imagined doing. Without getting too in depth, I can say that I compromised my morals in order to “fight” for something I wanted at the time. A completely negative situation turned into an even worse situation as the months went on and I knew that things weren’t right. In that time I lost a lot of weight, my hair was thinning, and I began to slack in my school work because of unnecessary stress. Something that I could’ve ended and prevented before it got out of hand began to consume me and turn me into a person that I strongly despised. 

My work ethic changed and all I wanted to do was stay home, sleep, and listen to music. I wasn’t focused at all. Instead of using my website as an outlet and a way for me to express myself and keep myself busy, I neglected it and made excuses for why I couldn’t pursue it. Something that I loved and put all my effort into was pushed to the side because I didn’t think I was doing a good job at keeping people engaged or interested. Though I knew this wasn’t true, I convinced myself that it was. 

After a while I realized that I wasn’t loving myself enough and I was completely drained mentally. September of 2018 was when I finally realized and decided that it was time for me to make a change and cut all ties with the negativity and get myself back on track. Get back to Tiara. The fun, loving, spontaneous version of me. 

My first step was dyeing my hair copper orange and I loved it! However, I couldn’t keep it for long because it caused extra damage to my already weak and thinning hair. It was awesome for the three weeks that it lasted but then it was time to cut all of the damage off and start over. I did a big chop that left me with a pixie cut and I cried and cried for WEEKS! It was a mess. I questioned my femininity, I hated the shape of my face, and I didn’t feel confident anymore. It took months of adjusting and dyeing my hair brown again, with a few more trims in between, to get myself back together. The prominent quote by Coco Chanel says, “a woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life” and I truly felt like a brand new woman that was about transition to something greater than I could even imagine. 

I say all of this to say, after getting rid of the toxic people and habits that consumed me in 2018, I surrounded myself with love and the things that keep me happy and I feel the best that I’ve felt in a while. I’ve realized that no matter what or whom may get in my way or try to get me to compromise myself or manipulate my mind, I need to remain focused on the people and things that I love and that keep me smiling. If I’m focused enough, nothing or no one can distract me again. 

Quintessence of Womanhood is my baby and I’m so happy to be back and give it my all this go-round. I will never make an excuse as to why I can’t commit to it again. Thank you to everyone who has asked me about the site and who has waited for me to post again. I truly appreciate the love and support. It brings me so much joy knowing that people love this site just as much as I love creating the content for it. So with that said, let’s get back to business.

xx, Tiara.




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